Kilesas, the enemy

A segment from a talk with a recently ordained Bhikkhu.  Maybe some time in 2003.
Q:
I find I have a problem, just when I know I should keep my mouth shut.

LP P:
It is very important to try and know the Kilesas.  Kilesas are the enemy, and one should know the enemy.  By 
knowing the enemy, one can become aware of when he is likely to attack, and one can come to know what are the  defences.  The first thing to realise, the Ks are always there.  It isn't as though they're sometimes there and sometimes not: they are always there and there is no time when they're not.  One can say that the Citta is completely ruled by the Ks, it is under the sway of them the whole time.

The Ks give rise to something we call 'self'.  And this something we call 'self' is really the essence of the Ks.  And we relate everything to this 'self' and that very relating is the Ks acting.  And the outlooks we get are all in relation to self, and these outlooks are the Ks as well.  Everything is coloured by them: everything is distorted.  Because of that we are completely subsumed by these things.  And we don't know them, we don't see them because they are just part of us:[28:19] completely natural.

Now we've got to realise, these things are here all the time.  We musn't think that they're light things, things that don't matter very much.  You think of the evil that some people do, the Nazis in Germany, the Japanese in China during the War, etc., etc. all this comes from the Ks.

 It's the Ks that drag one into the greatest suffering as well, they  drag one into doing things that bring one suffering, they cause one trouble the whole time.  They lead one to rebirth, 
sometimes good, but sometimes bad too: so they're no small thing.  And they're very sticky, they don't go easily.

And they're always defensive.  One has to realise that they use the power and skill of the human Citta: that is why they are so clever,  because they are using the Citta.  Not that the Ks in themselves are especially clever, they are a 
distortion of the Citta and use the Citta to think up their own ends. 

And these are the enemy, and they are not an easy enemy to deal with.  One has to learn to know it first of all, one must know them and see them in action.  Generally one can't see them when they're acting because ones too caught 
by them.[24 - 30:00]  One should reflect to see how they made one do this or that, how they came out in this way: all  the time.

At first one can't see the difference between what one would call one's 'self' and the Ks.  But in time one does begin to realise that there is a difference: that the Ks are one thing and the Citta is another, and not the same.  That the Ks usurp the Citta, and what they have produced is what one calls 'oneself' and this is an impostor: not the genuine thing at all.

The one that is genuine is very hard to realise, but the one that's genuine is like 'non-self', like it's not oneself at all.  And this one is not at fault.  This one you can call it the 'true Citta' or 'Dhamma' or whatever.  And this is the one one's searching for.  Searching really to become that.  But that means one has to learn how to give up that which we call the 'self': and that's hard work.

One has got to train oneself until one comes to the position where one can do that.  Until one gets to the position  where one can do that, there's no hope of giving it up.  Can't just say, "...I'll give it up now.", because it is the Ks that are saying that.  And the Ks, all they do is give up one thing and take up another. 

Usually, what happens when someone tries to do it before it's time, they give up 'self' and then they take up the idea that, "...I'm an Arahant", or something like that, and all that has happened is that they've made another self and given it the name 'Arahant'.  So they are worse off because they think they have nothing more to do.  They've got 
this view, this opinion that leads them in the wrong way all the time: if they can't shake that they are finished.

So the Ks are a bad enemy, in fact they are the only enemy.  One can say that if anything goes wrong, if the practice doesn't seem to be going right, it's the Ks that are doing it, they are the ones.  Often, they are dragging one down, so that one can't think straight.  One can't make any resolution.  And if you look, the thing they get hold of mostly is feeling.  Just plain physical feeling, just around the stomach here, around the Solar Plexus: that's all, just that feeling. 

If one can make the resolve, "...to hell with these feelings, I'm going to do the practice regardless of feelings...", 
anyone can beat them.  But you've got to keep on defeating them time after time: not just once.  But one must learn steadily, bit by bit, to know these Ks, very important. [33:44]

Q:
  I sometimes wonder, is there anything left besides Ks?  They are so powerful.

LP P:
Yes: the Ks are powerful, but we still have the possibility of choice.  And in any situation that arises, one always has the choice of whether to go in the right direction or the wrong direction.  Now the right direction still has Ks in it, but it's leading to less Ks and thinning them.  It's leading in the right direction to get free from them: but if one is going in the wrong direction, they are getting thicker.  And the Ks try to bias it so that you go in the wrong direction. 

But one still has the choice to deliberately go against them: to go in the right direction.  One hasn't got rid of the Ks by  that, but one is going in the direction to get rid of them, that's all.

I mean, morality is that really.  Whenever any problem in morality arises, to go in the right direction is to go against them.  It's difficult because the Ks don't want one to go in that direction: they pull. 

The enticement of the Ks is so often merely that of relaxation: feeling relaxed and at ease, which we want so much.  Whereas going against the Ks produces tension, irritability, and one feels annoyed, out of sorts, constipated and all the rest of it.  But the thing is, you are going against the Ks, and you are going in the direction to get rid of them.   And all these things, irritability and so on, these are the Ks trying to pull one back. 

More technically we can say, these are merely the results of bad Kamma in the past,[36:25] which arise, and because of the nature of the Ks, the arising of these bad feelings tend to induce one to go on a habitual path of going down hill - where one shouldn't go - to try to get rid of these unpleasant feelings.  The trouble is if one goes in that direction one reinforces the Kamma that will produce those feelings in the future: so the wheel rolls on.[36:55]

So one's really got the choice all the time of whether to go in the right direction or the wrong direction.  If one continually chooses the right direction deliberately, one not only starts thinning the Ks, but one gets the power and strength of will to go against them more easily and one gets more strength.  Whereas, if one goes with them all the  time, one just ends up as a jelly fish: [37:32] completely under their sway.

Q: How does one begin to know if ones efforts are having an effect on reducing the Ks?  Is there something, especially for beginners?

LP P:  One finds, I would say, one's own estimation of one's self-importance, I don't mean in theory, but one's feeling of it becomes greater.  In the sense that - I don't mean in the bad way - of one's own worth, in oneself, quite regardless of what anyone else thinks.  One's worth in oneself, one doesn't feel that one's like an old foot-rag.  Inside one feels that one has something that's valuable.  And that thing of value starts growing.  And one finds also that there's 
firmness inside.  There's a firmness that is capable of fighting the Ks and going against them.  All these things do show externally, but the external thing is not what matters, that's just a by-product: it's the internal thing that matters all the time.

Q:
Now I've had feelings of self-importance at times, but it's more in the sense of conceit I think.

LP P:
Yes: it's not self-importance where one's thinking about how important one is.  It's just a feeling without doubts, in that one questions it, but it is still there.[39:35]  And even though one questions it, it doesn't go.  So you know it's genuine.[39:40]  If one has the usual feeling of self-importance in the world, and one questions that and investigates it, it just bursts 
like a bubble, because there's nothing to support it at all.  [40:00]

Q:
One has to accept one is going the right way?

LP P:
Yes.  Although one can't quite see what way one is going, one may not know what specific things one's done to go that way, what specific thing has helped.  Yet at the same time, one knows one has developed, and one can hardly put ones finger on it.  It is very hard to say what it is, but development has taken place.  And one knows it, one knows one's changed.  One used to be like that and one is no longer like that.

Q:
Other times I have a sense of impatience, things aren't going fast enough, maybe it is time for another fast or stay up all night and do battle with it, etc.  And it doesn't seem to work.

LP P:
Hum: another western trait.  Like you see in the magazines, "...rush me a copy of your catalogue."  Impatience, 
can't wait for it.

Q:
That's one thing I notice at WatPa Nanacat, it almost a frightening sense of shear will power people bring to it, to have results immediately.  Seems admirable in a way, but frightening in another way.

LP P:
That's no good.  The more one tries to push it in that way, the more the obstacles come up to oppose it: because that is Kilesas.  The thing is it's, "...I'm going to get results", with the emphasis on 'I'.  "...I'm going to force those results regardless".

Now, if that's under the control of a really good teacher, he might be able to use that faculty, that power.  But when  it's under the person's own control, generally what happens is this: If a person has a number of ways they can go,  they will only see one or two of these ways and not see the others.  And the way they should go is the way they don't see, because that's the way their Kilesas are, where they are strongest, because of their character.  And because of 
that they don't see that way, they only see this way and this is the way their Ks are not very strong: so they always go lopsidedly developing those things that they already have strong.  And the things that really need development, they can't see, and they don't go that way, they go the wrong way. 

Typically, people who are greedy characters always think they are hate characters, and people who are hate characters always think they are greedy.  The reason for this is, the person who is a greedy character, whenever greed arises they don't see it, whereas whenever hate arises, it sticks out like a sore thumb, it's obvious to them, and he thinks his character is rooted in hate.  And he thinks, "...I must do the things to control hate...", whereas 
that's not the way, it's greed that he must control. 

That's one of the reasons why it is very difficult for people to develop Dhamma on their own, without a teacher.  Because one way or another the teacher will indicate the general direction that they should go.  And Tan Achaan here is very skilled at it.[44:21]  He rarely tells somebody, "...you should do this practice ... should do that  practice...", very rare.  He will suggest a range of practices, but one way or another, he will do things or indicate things or say a little bit here or a little bit there and gradually steer the person one way or another: he's very good at that.  But, as far as it's within Dhamma, he won't force the person at all.[44:55]

(FDN)Basically, this seems to be the unknown conditioning of the Citta,  by the resultants of past Kamma, as they ripen in the present moment, of which the Citta is totally & completely unaware.
 
Thus the perceived need to creat skilfull Kamma in this lifetime, over & above any good Kamma, so as to have skilfull Kilesas in a future lifetime.
 
Needless to say, the most skilfull Kamma is Bhikkhu ordination so as to develop the Path, ie the Bhikkhu life.  This makes the  Bhikkhu a virtual field of merrit for anyone else to share in, simply by choosing to support his practice.

(FDN)The dialogue below seems to be consistant with the results of developed minfulness.  In that, going against the K's, going towards fear, awkwardness etc., is possibly the best excercise in mindfulness that there is.

Q:
How does one begin to know if ones efforts are having an effect on reducing the Ks?  Is there something, especially for beginners?

LP P:
One finds, I would say, one's own estimation of one's self-importance, I don't mean in theory, but one's feeling of it becomes greater.  In the sense that - I don't mean in the bad way - of one's own worth, in oneself, quite regardless of what anyone else thinks.  One's worth in oneself, one doesn't feel that one's like an old foot-rag.  Inside one feels that one has something that's valuable.  And that thing of value starts growing.  And one finds also that there's 
firmness inside.  There's a firmness that is capable of fighting the Ks and going against them.  All these things do show externally, but the external thing is not what matters, that's just a by-product: it's the internal thing that matters all the time.